


Blonde, Meet Brunette

by dralexreid



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Humour, Mentions of alcohol, Reference to Bombs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29684178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dralexreid/pseuds/dralexreid
Summary: In an alternate version of Piper's journey, how will she react when an expert interrogator joins her team?
Relationships: Dr Spencer Reid/Dr Piper Bishop
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Blonde, Meet Brunette

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SSA_SarahSunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSA_SarahSunshine/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Ice Cream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29654124) by [SSA_SarahSunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSA_SarahSunshine/pseuds/SSA_SarahSunshine). 



> Note: Kassidy Hughes, as much as I wish she might be, is not my original character. She is the conception of @SSA_KassidyHughes but I love her very much and with the kind permission of the author, I've reimagined Piper's story to fit her as well. Enjoy!

David was exhausted, just like the rest of the team. 3 back-to-back bombings over the past week meant that their judgement was skewed to say the least. Emily had fallen asleep in one of their roundtable discussions. JJ was frustrated at not seeing Henry and Will in so long. Spencer wasn’t rambling as often, which Piper missed. Even Penelope’s light-hearted quips had taken a hit. Most of all, the team needed a break, not that Strauss would agree and the BAU was as short-staffed as ever. Their profiles had been used for an arrest, until the realised they were dealing with a team and they were running out of time to find the dominant unsub. Rossi and Bishop had been pushing and pulling their guy for hours and they were running out of time. They agreed he definitely fit the profile and he was the only connection they had found between each victim.

“We need help,” Rossi said, taking a seat on Aaron’s office desk.

“No, we don’t,” Aaron insisted, his gaze looking away from his file.

“Aaron, Reid looks like death, Morgan cursed out Anderson and honestly, I’m not sure if Piper wants to punch those victims or our suspect.” Aaron looked out to the bullpen. Morgan was pacing, playing with a baseball. Piper was sat cross-legged on top of her desk, tuned into her earphones. Emily had once again, fallen asleep at her desk. Spencer was just aimlessly spinning in his chair.

“Fine, but only because I don’t need the extra paperwork if Piper ends up punching those victims.”

“They’re Republican politicians. I think we should stop calling them victims,” Dave said. “I know who to call.”

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Aaron said, as though he needed reminding. The speed of these porch bombings was picking up. Piper looked up from her desk to see Rossi rush down the catwalk down to the bullpen.

“Rossi, if that Peterson doesn’t shut up about his damn phone, I’m gonna—”

“You can’t hurt a victim,” Rossi said, barely pausing his steady march past them.

“Tell him to start acting like one,” Piper called out after him.

* * *

Kassidy hated the stale office coffee and no-one in her damn unit bothered making a fresh one, apart from her obviously. So, as always, she took the time to get herself a tall iced vanilla latte, even if it meant she was a little late to work. She shouldered her yellow satchel, gripping it tightly as she made her way through the bullpen to her desk, greeting the rest of her unit who seemed to still be grumpy that their case had been passed over to the Behavioural Analysis Unit. Chad was perched on his desk, telling anyone who would listen that clearly there was no real behaviour to analyse from a bunch of porch bombs and like clockwork, Kassidy tuned him out, placing her coffee on her desk, discarding the bag next to it and hanging her pale yellow cardigan on her chair before taking a seat. She was used to his chatter, she just wished he’d do it somewhere else. “I mean, we have the highest solve rate in the Domestic Terrorism Unit. What’s the BAU going to do that we can’t?” James Tyler, or as they called him, JT, was quick to back him up with a painfully awful snort.

“Yeah, maybe they’ll ask the bomb who did it, right Chad?” She sort of felt sorry for the young agent. For all of his bootlicking and idolising of that dumb jock, Chad never paid JT much attention, usually just narrowing his brows at him and turning back to the nearest woman in his vicinity. Which just had to be her. Kassidy couldn’t help leaning back, slightly repulsed as Chad leered at her. 

“Come on, Kassy. You agree with me, right?” She just let out a deep sigh.

“You know Oliver hates us getting sidetracked. We have a high solve rate for a reason.”

“Yeah.” She heard a deep voice behind her say. “You.” Kassidy spun her chair around, slightly yelping as her gaze was filled by David Rossi’s stature. “Agent Donaghue, can you tell me the definition of a desk?”

“Uh...no, sir.” Kassidy hid her snicker well. She’d rarely seen Chad so speechless. That man always had something, usually sexist in nature, to say.

“A piece of furniture with a flat or sloping surface and typically with drawers, at which one can read, write, or do other work,” Dave recited tiredly, as though he’d had the conversation many times before with certain brunette agents who refused to use a chair for its real purpose. “Nowhere in that definition does it include ‘an apparatus for sitting down’. Now, shut up and sit your ass down in that chair.” Kassidy could worship this man. “Agent Hughes, you’re coming with me. Come on.” Kassidy almost fumbled her cup of coffee as she grabbed her things and followed Agent Rossi’s curling finger, hoping for an explanation which she wouldn’t receive until the elevator doors closed on them. “You’re aware of the so-called Porch Bomber?”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Don’t call me sir,” Rossi grimaced. “I’m not really that old, am I?”

“Um, no, sir, not at all.” Dave simply sighed.

“We require your skillset. We have a suspect who won’t talk and victims who refuse to be helpful. Now, in any other circumstance, our team would have this handled, but this case is an exception.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I was under the impression that the BAU were the experts in--”

“We are. Usually. But there are...certain...unusual factors at play.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand.”

“They’re exhausted,” Dave burst out finally. “Our team is exhausted, completely demotivated and we need fresh eyes. We just had three back to back cases and honestly, I think they’re about to pass out.” 

Kassidy understood as soon as she walked into the bullpen. Anderson was slumped over in his seat, just like Emily. Spencer had grown so dizzy from just spinning in his chair that he sat so still that Kassidy thought he might have been frozen. Derek had grown tired from pacing so much that he just sat on the floor mumbling as he lay his back against the joined desks. Piper opened one eye to see Rossi return with a blonde stranger and she took her cue. Dangling her legs over her makeshift seat, Piper nudged Derek so hard he fell over to the floor before reaching over to rattle Spencer’s seat and finally, used a spare rubber band from her desk and launched it at Emily. All three of them yelled in pain before glaring at Piper, who simply pointed at Rossi as an explanation.

“This is Special Agent Kassidy Hughes from the Domestic Terrorism Unit. She’s gonna help us as best she can,” Dave introduced and Kassidy waved awkwardly, feeling like a new girl at school. She felt the tall, slightly immature, but intimidating agent staring daggers at her from her perch, distracting her from Rossi’s introduction to the team. SSA Derek Morgan, their expert on obsessional crimes. SSA Emily Prentiss, their linguistic expert. Dr Spencer Reid and Dr Piper Bishop, their twin experts on everything else. As Rossi took her up the catwalk to introduce her to their unit chief, Piper couldn’t help run her hand through her hair, a motion Spencer always caught easily.

“Anyone need a coffee refill?” Spencer asked surreptitiously, getting handed three empty mugs and Piper reluctantly took the coded cue to help and follow him to the empty conference room. Piper tapped her foot as she watched Spencer slowly fill each mug. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re tapping your foot.”

“I have a tune stuck in my head.”

“What tune?”

“Eye of the Tiger,” Piper blurted out, not really thinking that one through.

“I’ve listened to that song and I know for a fact that your foot wasn’t tapping to that rhythm,” Spencer said, passing her mug back.

“I hate you,” she said, taking a sip. “I know her.”

“Who? Kassidy? How could you know her?” Piper sighed.

“She’s from Vegas. She used to work in the ETI. I have no idea what happened after that but I do know this much. She’s the main reason they caught the Pellegrino crime family.” Spencer’s face turned pensive.

“Wait, that agent you were gushing over last year?”

“Spence, that woman tore down that family from the inside out,” Piper exclaimed, her eyes going bright in adoration. “That case went from having one witness to low-level drug dealers all the way up the food chain to the boss’s daughter.”

“You’ve told me this,” Spencer said kindly. “One interview with Kassidy and Pellegrino’s daughter turned on him too.” Piper nodded, swallowing a long drag of her coffee.

“I can’t work with her, Spence. It’s gonna turn into an actual disaster. Swap with me, please.”

“I can’t,” Spencer said simply. “You have the most rapport with the suspect and you’re the one who arrested him. Pipes, you’ve got 4 PhDs under your belt, you’ve taught at Brown and Yale. You graduated from the FBI Academy within 6 months and you saved me from a violent schizophrenic on your first day as an agent. You’ll be fine,” he reassured her, oblivious to the blonde standing awkwardly in the doorway of the conference room, how the vibrant agent seemed to wilt within minutes of being in the BAU. Quelling tears, Kassidy whirled around, making her way forcefully towards Agent Hotchner’s office, ready to call it quits. Her blonde waves bounced off her back as she gripped the belt of her bag, bumping into the very agent she wanted to talk to.

“Hughes, good, I was looking for you,” Aaron started. “I wanted to see if--” He caught sight of the flushed, almost-teary face of Kassidy Hughes and the seasoned profiler, one who had mastered the art of neutrality in the face of the most debilitating of unsubs, felt an empty pit in his stomach. “Perhaps we should talk in my office?” he asked kindly, ushering her into his cabin. Aaron placed his file on the desk, taking a casual perch on the corner of his table as he watched Kassidy pace on the floor of his office.

“Sir, I know you think I can talk to this suspect of yours, but I’m perfectly confident in Dr Bishop’s ability to pacify and confront this man.”

“Why? Because she has a few PhDs?”

“Because she’s more experienced than I am, she’s smarter than I am and--”

“And she’s the woman who arrested our suspect,” Aaron filled in. “He will not open up to her alone. And more importantly, if you do not have sufficient confidence in your own abilities, you cannot expect anyone else to either.”

“Sir, I can’t do this,” Kassidy pleaded, making her meaning as plain as possible.

“One conversation, that’s all I ask. See where it goes. Dip your feet in the waters,” Aaron said, letting a smile break his face as Kassidy ran out of excuses. “I’ll have someone take you down to the interrogation rooms.” He stood up, composing himself into steel. “Dr Bishop will join you when she’s ready.” She watched him reach for the receiver on his desk, her gaze lingering on his broad shoulders and lean jaw before snapping herself out of it. “Morgan, Hughes is ready to start with the suspect. Take her down, don’t leave her side until Bishop arrives.” He hung up abruptly, making Kassidy flinch slightly. Which of course he noticed. _Damn profilers._ “Everything okay?” he asked worriedly, his hands reaching out as though he were going to steady her. Kassidy cleared her throat, squeaking out that she was fine and hurried out of the cabin before she could turn into any more of a bumbling mess. She tucked her blonde curls behind her ear, rushing down the steps haphazardly, almost falling over until Derek caught her.

“Woah, sunshine. Don’t wanna bruise that pretty face of yours, now, do we?” Derek asked with a genuine chuckle, not the simpering smile that Chad always threw her whenever he could get his hands on her.

“Thanks,” Kassidy said uneasily, steadying herself before stepping away from Derek. “And I prefer Kass.”

“Kass it is,” Derek said, understanding that he had crossed a line immediately. “Let me show you to the interrogation room. You can ask me anything on the way,” he offered, gesturing to a side exit.

* * *

“So, you’re all like a family?” Kassidy asked him, draining the last of her latte and throwing it in the bin.

“In every sense of the word,” Derek explained, leading her through the winding hallways. “We work together, hang out together, eat together.” Kassidy laughed softly to herself. “What’s so funny?”

“My boss believes that work transcends everything else. And you get people to talk by tricking them or lying and calling them names.”

“And you don’t work that way?” Derek asked and Kassidy shook her head.

“No. These victims and witnesses are going through the worst day in their life. I have to believe that kindness works too. Works better even.”

“You sound like Piper.”

“Wh--Dr Bishop?” Kassidy asked, confused by what he meant.

“Yeah, she can get kids to talk like that,” he said, snapping his fingers for emphasis. “Usually she’s great at getting witnesses to open up but these guys--they’re politicians who voted against healthcare and minimum pay and funding social services.”

“She hates them,” Kass surmised.

“Yep, which doesn’t happen often,” Derek added, confused when the agent huffed.

“I’m pretty sure she hates me,” she confessed and Derek knitted his brows, about to question her when Chad sauntered into the hallway.

“Hey, sweet cheeks!” he called out, walking up to her with an arrogant gait, a smug look painted across his features. Derek recognised it immediately, stepping forward, instantly ready to rebuff this guy, and maybe knock out his teeth if the need arose. “Listen, if you’re done with Mr Italian, I thought you might like to have dinner with me tonight.”

“His name’s Agent Rossi,” Kassidy explained exasperatedly. “And for the last time, no, I don’t want to have dinner with you.”

“Oh, come on, baby doll, one dinner. I’ll even let you sample the goods,” Chad said genially, practically ignoring Derek.

“Hey, back off, man,” Derek said, pushing lightly at Chad as Kassidy glared daggers at him. “The lady said no.”

“Oh, yeah?” He sniggered. “What are you gonna do, call HR?”

“Step off before I break your fingers off and feed them to you,” Derek hissed, blocking Chad’s way to Kassidy. He saw the briefest flicker of fear as Chad gauged him up and down. 

“I’ll catch up with you later, doll.”

“Don’t count on it,” Kassidy snapped, relieved as they watched him saunter off.

“Dickwad,” Derek muttered before turning to Kassidy. “You let me know if he bothers you again.”

“After this, I’d hire you to be my bodyguard.” Derek let out a laugh, one that reached his eyes, letting out a tension he didn’t know was buried along his shoulders.

“You couldn’t afford me, sunshine,” Derek snickered before realising his mistake. “Sorry, I didn’t--” Kassidy shrugged.

“It’s fine. I like sunshine. But no further,” she warned him. “Otherwise I’ll break off your fingers and feed them to you.” She smiled broadly as she mocked him. “What kind of threat is that?”

“You’ll find out,” he said ominously. “You’re in there,” he pointed out for her.

“What, you’re not coming with me?” The idea of interviewing a suspect alone with Piper was one she’d rather not imagine.

“I got better things to do, sunshine,” Derek offered. “Someone’s got to figure out where the next attack is going to hit.” She watched him leave, her last shred of hope and dignity sauntering away and her shoulders sagged. Sighing, Kassidy pushed the door open to see Piper yelling at someone over the phone.

“No, I refuse to play nice with politicians who decide to play with their constituents’ livelihoods. You want a victim? Focus on the mailman that died delivering that bomb, or the maid that died bringing it into the house.” Kassidy watched with wide eyes as Piper hung up the call abruptly and tossed it onto the table tiredly.

“Wh-Who was that?” Kassidy asked uncertainly.

“Peterson’s press secretary,” Piper spat out. “He’s demanding we’re withholding Peterson’s rights as a victim because we won’t allow him a cell phone and we’ve kept him in protective custody. The same man that voted against basic healthcare services and the same man who voted against same-sex marriage laws.” Piper let out a deep breath.

“So, you’re on this guy’s side?” Kassidy asked, terrified of Piper’s every reaction.

“Not at all,” she said, a vision of calm. “Peterson and his lackeys aren’t the victims. I prefer calling them targets or assholes. I swear, if I could, I would dig my nails into their throats and pull out their vocal cords.” Instantly, Kassidy understood what Derek had meant. “Are you ready to take the lead on this one?”

“Th-The lead?” Kassidy asked, still stumbling over her words and Piper seemed puzzled. “You want me to take the lead?”

“Agent Hughes, I’m only supervising you,” she said, as though she were reminding her. “You’re the expert here.” Almost lazily, Piper grabbed her tablet and moved to the door, opening it for Kassidy. “Expert first,” Piper said, gesturing for her to come through. Kassidy was slightly surprised by the wounds on the suspect’s face.

“Has he had any medical help?” Kassidy asked Piper.

“I only needed it because of that bitch,” Richard swore.

“Language,” Piper warned lazily, taking a seat. “You’re the one who ran from federal agents.”

“I was doing society a favour,” he protested.

“Then you should’ve done the job right when you had the chance, shouldn’t you?” Piper asked, an effortless smirk on her face.

“Richard, we understand why you planted those bombs,” Kassidy urged, keeping her voice placid and soothing like honey. “But you hurt the wrong people. Jared Hutcherson, he voted for racial profiling in police protocols and moved for more police funding which would’ve been fine if he hadn’t specified that 84% of it had to be on weapons. That’s who you wanted dead. Instead, you killed a young woman who was walking her dog.”

“She wasn’t supposed to be there!” Richard said, slipping for the first time.

“David Croyden, he moved to eliminate maternity leave last week. Before that it was cutting down on minimum alimony requirements and child support payments. You were frustrated, I understand that. But instead you killed a mailman who leaves behind 3 kids who now have to go into the foster care system. You made a mistake that ruined families. You owe it to them,” Kassidy pleaded. “Screw the politicians. You’re right, they don’t care about the people that died. They’re so fixated by the fact that they almost died and how they can use that against the Democrats that they couldn’t care less.” Richard looked at his hands, unable to meet Kassidy’s kind, solemn gaze.

“I can’t go to jail.”

“You probably won’t,” Piper said, ignoring Kassidy’s soft, admiring gaze. “Not on my watch. Your heart was in the right place. We can convince a jury of that. Especially considering you don’t have the know-how to pull off this kind of thing.”

“It was Kyle,” Richard muttered. “Kyle Boyden. We went to high school together but--but he dropped out in the tenth grade after his father left them. Refused to pay child support and uh, his mom was sick. He--He got arrested a couple times too. At protests and stuff. He wasn’t even doing nothing, just sitting there at a BLM movement with a banner. Cops slapped him with all kinds of stuff. He got mad angry and he started recruiting people.”

“Do you know their names?”

“Probably, I could jog my memory a little. But there’s not a lot of incentive to do that.” Kassidy looked at Piper expectantly.

“How would you choose your targets?”

“Kyle wanted to start with Hutcherson. Blamed him for his arrest, ruining his reputation.”

“And Daniel Croyden? Was that your idea? Because your older sister can’t get maternity leave?” Kassidy asked and Piper knitted her eyebrows.

“Well, yeah. Croyden’s the reason Jamie still has to go to work. I mean she’s 7 months pregnant and she’s got her own kid and she can’t catch a single break.” Piper stood up abruptly.

“And Peterson? Why kill Peterson?”

“Why not, man?” Richard retaliated. “He’s an arrogant, smug, son of a bitch and he deserves to rot in hell.”

“Amen to that,” Piper said, smirking softly. “And Boyden, that’s Kyle’s mom’s maiden name, isn’t it?” Richard slumped back in his seat. Kassidy knitted her brows together as she followed Piper out of the room and let the door close behind him. 

“Wait, Peterson is Kyle’s dad? How’d you know?”

“He was lying about the other members. Richard dropped out in the tenth grade too, he’s the submissive partner. Kyle’s the dominant,” Piper said, rushing through the sentences as she grabbed her phone and her file, sending out one quick mass text to the team.

“Wait, but how’d you figure it out?”

“Kyle’s story was real. Dropping out, dad leaving, refusing to pay child support and then him getting arrested. He targeted Hutcherson for getting him arrested, Croyden for cutting down on alimony and child support requirements but Peterson, he’s just an overall dickwad. See, the thing with Peterson is that he cut down on healthcare and he voted against gay marriage neither of which Richard pointed out. Then there was the rotting in hell bit.”

“So why was Richard so upset about that?” Kassidy asked as they rushed to the bullpen where everyone was gathered, waiting for them.

“I have a feeling Penelope can tell us that.” The rest of the case was fairly straightforward. Penelope quickly put a face to the name and a background to the face. Kyle Borden was a 20 year old black man who was struggling to support his mom and Richard Samuels, who ran away after he’d had the last straw from his father. Penelope found multiple E.R. reports that referenced Samuels for multiple contusions over the last six months. Ms Borden had been diagnosed with cancer when Kyle was arrested at the BLM protest which triggered Kyle’s rage towards his father, especially when Peterson refused to pay for his bail or even acknowledge Kyle as his son. The arrest was straightforward too, with Derek and Emily charging into Kyle’s address and catching him red-handed with the equipment to make his bomb. Derek made the final arrest, giving him over to local law enforcement. With the case finally over, everyone rushed around to grab their bags and leave before Strauss came back with yet another case. Rossi was halfway out the main door when Strauss called them back in.

“I’m telling you, she’s a witch,” Piper whispered to Emily in full earshot of Kassidy.

“Relax, Dr Bishop. It isn’t another case. It’s a commendation. I’m aware these past two weeks have been hell for you which is why I’m giving you the weekend off.”

“We’re supposed to have the weekend off, ma’am,” Piper pointed out. Strauss sighed. She always had been a pain in the ass. Though Strauss supposed that Piper often took after David.

“Very well. I expect everyone back at work on Wednesday. Get out,” Erin sighed, making Derek look at Penelope who turned to Spencer who instinctively looked at Piper who gazed at Emily who turned to JJ who glanced at Aaron who spotted Rossi making a break for it, and before Erin could change her mind, the rest of them scrambled to the elevator, Kassidy following them slowly and shaking her head until Emily reached out to grab her wrist and pull her into the elevator with them, absolutely breathless. 

“I’m guessing you guys don’t get many days off,” Kassidy joked weakly.

“I got called in once while getting into bed,” Penelope grimaced, a matching ray of sunshine with Kassidy. “So close.”

“Guys, we just stopped a terrorist attack in the heart of D.C,” Derek said.

“Against assholes who should rot in jail for tax evasion,” Piper voiced from the back of the elevator.

“Be that as it may,” Derek conceded to a grinning Piper. “I believe a celebratory drink is owed, what’d you say?”

“Like you have to ask,” Penelope said, hooking her arm into Derek’s.

“For vodka? Absolutely.”

“I assumed we’d still be working,” JJ piped up. “So Henry’s with his babysitter. Count me in. Hotch?”

“Jack’s spending the night with his aunt, I’m in. Dave?”

“As long as you don’t make me buy,” he warned.

“What about you, Reid? You coming?” Emily asked.

“Oh, pretty boy doesn’t get a choice,” Derek said, smirking. “Bishop, what about you?”

“Couldn’t have gotten him without Hughes,” Piper said, still beaming. “I’m in if she’s in.” Everyone stared at Kassidy next, expecting an answer.

“Sure,” Kassidy said. “It’ll be fun.”

* * *

They’d picked out a very large booth for 9 people, and Kassidy couldn’t help but feel part of the family. Penelope had pushed her right into the middle of the table, sitting opposite Aaron, listening to Derek’s story about Chad and how he had ‘defended Kassidy’s honour’. “You should definitely report him to HR,” Aaron advised the blonde as Piper and Emily arrived with the group’s drinks. Kassidy couldn’t help the feeling of warmth wash over her at Aaron’s rather simple words. 

“I’ve got a margarita for Derek, a cocktail for Penelope,” Piper murmured, more for herself than the others as she passed out drinks from the tray. “Red wine for Spencer, rosé for JJ.”

“And classic whiskey for our resident alpha males,” Emily quipped.

“I’m sorry, are you drinking neat vodka?” Kassidy asked, unable to help herself.

“Oh yeah,” Emily said, taking the shot down with a practised flair. 

“She’s trying to drown her demons,” Piper joked.

“Too bad they know how to swim,” JJ quipped, meeting Piper for a high five.

“So, Kass, what’s your story?” Emily asked and she looked up like a deer caught in bright yellow headlights.

“Uh, I don’t really have much of a story, per se,” Kassidy admitted uneasily.

“Bullshit!” Penelope called out, her cocktail halfway drained. “Piper couldn’t stop gushing about you after that Vegas crime family bust.”

“Hold up,” Derek interrupted. “The Pellegrino family, getting the daughter to turn on her dad, that was you?”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Piper voiced, sipping on her soda. “She was awesome with Samuels.”

“So, how’d you end up in domestic terrorism?” JJ asked curiously, sipping on rosé.

“I just wanted to do something more worthwhile,” Kassidy confessed. “Frankly, I’m surprised I got the job.”

“Kass, you got the daughter of a big-time, Godfather-esque, drug lord to turn against her own father,” Piper said, emphasising each word as she spoke. “You’ve got the highest confession rate in the entire department. It would’ve been a crime to not hire you.”

“Yeah, and Rossi pretty much wrote the playbook on interrogation techniques and he spent 7 hours doing what you did in 1,” Derek added, clearly impressed and Kassidy flushed.

“You should’ve seen Spencer’s first interview with a prisoner with Hotch,” JJ said next, making Spencer go bright red.

“No, she shouldn’t have,” he insisted, but JJ was on a roll.

“He and Hotch walk into this guy’s cell, no weapons, no guards outside. It’s this guy’s last chance before he’s executed. Turns out, it was all the his master plan to kill two federal agents.”

“No, I remember this!” Piper said gleefully.

“No, you really don’t,” Hotch warned her.

“Hotch just takes off his suit jacket and goes, unlucky for you, I’m not a 5 foot, 100-pound girl,” Piper managed to say with about half a dozen snickers getting in the way. Kassidy couldn’t help another blush rising to her face as Aaron drained the last of his glass of whiskey.

“Hotch was ready to beat the man to death to save us both,” Spencer pointed out, glad his part of the story wasn’t brought up.

“How come nobody told me Hotch was a hot badass?” Emily joked, a warm smile curving her face.

“Totally hot except Spencer ruined it by talking a million miles an hour so he wouldn't get killed,” Piper said laughing.

“You weren’t even there!” Spencer cried out, a blush rising to his face as his girlfriend poked fun at him.

“Surveillance cameras, you dork!” Piper exclaimed. “Everything was taped.” Spencer threw his hands up in defeat.

“Oh my God, yeah! We have to show you the tapes, Kass!”

“No, please don’t,” Aaron grimaced, only to see Penelope whip out her tablet and scan her archives. Kassidy couldn’t fight a smile as the boss leaned over to steal Emily’s shot of vodka and slammed it down.

“Damn, boss!” Emily cried out.

“I am not dealing with this sober,” Aaron remarked, grabbing the bottle of whiskey next.

“You know what,” Kassidy blurted out. “I’m sure Hotch would’ve saved the day if need be. He’s stronger than he looks.” Rossi didn’t even try to hide his chuckle as he noticed a flush creeping up on Aaron’s neck.

“Oh, please,” Piper scoffed. “I kicked him on his ass two weeks after I got shot in the shoulder.” Kassidy’s eyes widened.

“You got shot?” she exclaimed.

“Hey, I was going easy on you!” Aaron protested but JJ wouldn’t let him off that easy.

“I dunno, boss, that chokehold didn’t look easy to me,” JJ confessed and Aaron’s embarrassed face genuinely made Kassidy laugh. 

“So, sunshine, anyone special at home?” Derek asked, changing the conversation.

“I kinda just moved here a couple months ago,” Kassidy confessed. “Honestly, I’m still getting my bearings here. What about you guys?” She tried (and failed) to look anywhere else other than at Hotch.

“Well, Rossi’s been divorced three times,” Derek started.

“Wait, wasn’t it five?” Piper asked.

“It was definitely over seven,” JJ voiced, making Rossi break.

“Hey! I was only married three times. That’s normal!”

“Emily’s in a loving relationship with a cat,” Derek continued.

“Sergio is the perfect man,” Emily said, shrugging as though it were a matter of fact, making Kassidy laugh incredulously. 

“What about you, JJ? You seeing anyone?”

“Yeah, her baby daddy!” Penelope said, practically shrieking in happiness. 

“Uh, his name is Will,” JJ answered with a light laugh. “I met him on a case ages ago in New Orleans and we’ve been together ever since.” She showed him a picture of her partner on her cell phone, and within minutes, Kassidy was watching JJ scroll indefinitely, showing her picture after picture of Will and her son Henry until Derek interrupted, adding that Penelope was seeing Kevin, to which the general reaction was disappointment, or in Piper’s case, disgust, before finally revealing that their twin geniuses were actually soulmates.

“Hold on, you two are dating?” Kassidy asked, shocked at the gossip and JJ laughed slightly at the incredibly offended look Spencer wore. Immediately, he turned to Piper.

“You didn’t tell her?”

“It didn’t exactly come up in conversation and I was stressed out.” Spencer’s face turned crushed.

"Why aren't you telling everyone you meet that you're with me?"

“Spence, you're being clingy again,” JJ warned, her voice sing-song.

“Hold on, Kass, I told you I had a partner,” Piper protested under Spencer’s pout. 

“I thought you meant an interrogation partner,” Kassidy said helplessly. 

“Right,” Piper said firmly. “Let’s start over. Hi! I’m Dr. Piper Bishop and this is my clingy boyfriend Dr. Spencer Reid," Piper deadpanned. “If required, here is a headshot of him.” 

“I’m honestly reconsidering your position, Hughes,” Rossi deadpanned next. “Seeing as these two are the most obvious couple ever.”

“Oh, hold on,” Aaron interrupted, clearly drunk at this point. “Gideon got to have two protégées. Clearly, it’s my turn.” Piper and Spencer couldn’t hold their laughter in at their drunk boss.

“Clearly, Piper’s my mentee,” Rossi countered, though not particularly proving his point.

“Okay, I think that’s enough fun for one night,” Piper announced. “I’m gonna call a cab.”

“Everyone won’t fit,” JJ pointed out as Piper pulled out her cell. 

“Okay, screw the cab,” Piper remarked. “JJ, give me your minivan keys. I’m driving you all home.” Reluctantly, the blonde woman gave them up to Piper and, with Kassidy, both sober women ushered everyone into the large car. Kassidy couldn’t help laughing as they sang tunelessly to the radio, especially when she caught Piper’s wartorn expression. Aaron was laughing, any chance of keeping his composure in front of the new girl flying out the window, and Kassidy couldn’t help but wonder if she might have this kind of found family.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Girls Weekend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29770908) by [SSA_SarahSunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSA_SarahSunshine/pseuds/SSA_SarahSunshine)




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